Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
Last Updated: 02.07.2025 06:29
I had run out of hope.
It’s here now, writing to you.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
Will MAGATS boycott Taylor Swift now that she and Travis are supporting Harris?
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
I was tired of trying and failing.
Moons of Uranus surprise scientists in Hubble study - Phys.org
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
‘Monster Hunter Wilds’ Collapses With 1% Of Launch Players, 82% Negative Reviews - Forbes
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.
Be who you already are.
Bitcoin (BTC) Price Climbs After Trump Tells GOP Not to Worry About Deficit Spending - CoinDesk
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
Why did McLaren hope that the Ferrari pair would pit twice during the Italian Grand Prix?
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
You are like me, then.
The sadness was still there.
An AIDS orphan, a pastor and his frantic search for the meds that keep her alive - NPR
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
It’s still here.
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
First American Spacewalk 60 Years Ago Today - The Weather Channel
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
Where you live may affect your risk of dementia, UCSF study finds - San Francisco Chronicle
And the sadness?
I was tired of fighting.